Real Soul of Jaeshi

Books and Me

2008-11-15T16:15:00.001+09:00

The list is from USA TODAY's best-selling books of last 15 years.

From Vie’s Journal.. was curious myself how many books I read is on the list

Purple Bold = Finished reading

Italicize = Have but not yet reading, on reading

1 Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone - J.K. Rowling, art by Mary GrandPre

2 Dr. Atkins' New Diet Revolution - Robert C. Atkins

3 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown

4 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - J.K. Rowling, art by Mary GrandPre

5 Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - J.K. Rowling, art by Mary GrandPre

6 Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - J.K. Rowling, art by Mary GrandPre

7 Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - J.K. Rowling, art by Mary GrandPre

8 Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - J.K. Rowling, art by Mary GrandPre

9 Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - J.K. Rowling, art by Mary GrandPre

10 Who Moved My Cheese? - Spencer Johnson

11 The South Beach Diet - Arthur Agatston

12 Tuesdays With Morrie - Mitch Albom

13 Angels & Demons - Dan Brown

14 What to Expect When You're Expecting - Heidi Murkoff, Arlene Eisenberg, Sandee Hathaway

15 The Purpose-Driven Life - Rick Warren

16 The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom

17 The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephen R. Covey

18 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

19 Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus - John Gray

20 The Secret - Rhonda Byrne

21 Rich Dad, Poor Dad - Robert T. Kiyosaki with Sharon L. Lechter

22 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

23 Don't Sweat the Small Stuff ... And It's All Small Stuff - Richard Carlson

24 The Secret Life of Bees - Sue Monk Kidd

25 Eat, Pray, Love - Elizabeth Gilbert

26 Twilight - Stephenie Meyer

27 The Notebook - Nicholas Sparks

28 The Memory Keeper's Daughter - Kim Edwards

29 The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger

30 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden

31 A New Earth - Eckhart Tolle

32 Oh, the Places You'll Go! - Dr. Seuss

33 The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz

34 Angela's Ashes - Frank McCourt

35 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

36 Body-for-Life - Bill Phillips, Michael D’Orso

37 New Moon - Stephenie Meyer

38 Night - Elie Wiesel, translations by Marion Wiesel and Stella Rodway

39 Chicken Soup for the Soul - Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen

40 The Greatest Generation - Tom Brokaw

41 Breaking Dawn - Stephenie Meyer

42 The Celestine Prophecy - James Redfield

43 Wicked - Gregory Maguire

44 Good to Great - Jim Collins

45 Eclipse - Stephenie Meyer

46 Eragon - Christopher Paolini

47 Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood - Rebecca Wells

48 Your Best Life Now - Joel Osteen

49 In the Kitchen With Rosie - Rosie Daley

50 Simple Abundance - Sarah Ban Breathnach

51 A Child Called It - Dave Pelzer

52 A Million Little Pieces - James Frey

53 The Testament - John Grisham

54 Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul - Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Kimberly Kirberger

55 Deception Point - Dan Brown

56 The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho

57 Marley & Me - John Grogan

58 Dr. Atkins' New Carbohydrate Gram Counter - Robert C. Atkins

59 Life of Pi - Yann Martel

60 The Brethren - John Grisham

61 The South Beach Diet Good Fats Good Carbs Guide - Arthur Agatston

62 The Innocent Man: Murder and Injustice in a Small Town - John Grisham

63 For One More Day - Mitch Albom

64 The Polar Express - Chris Van Allsburg

65 The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald

66 The Last Lecture - Randy Pausch, Jeffrey Zaslow

67 What to Expect the First Year - Arlene Eisenberg, Heidi Murkoff, Sandee Hathaway

68 Love You Forever - Robert Munsch, art by Sheila McGraw

69 Green Eggs and Ham - Dr. Seuss

70 A Painted House - John Grisham

71 The Rainmaker - John Grisham

72 Skipping Christmas - John Grisham

73 Cold Mountain - Charles Frazier

74 The Curious Incident of the Dog In the Night-Time - Mark Haddon

75 Life Strategies - Phillip C. McGraw

76 Seabiscuit: An American Legend - Laura Hillenbrand

77 The Summons - John Grisham

78 Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil - John Berendt

79 The Hobbit - J.R.R. Tolkien

80 The Runaway Jury - John Grisham

81 Goodnight Moon Board Book - Margaret Wise Brown, art by Clement Hurd

82 The Perfect Storm - Sebastian Junger

83 Snow Falling on Cedars - David Guterson

84 The Giver - Lois Lowry

85 Embraced by the Light - Betty J. Eadie

86 The Chamber - John Grisham

87 You: On A Diet - Michael F. Roizen, Mehmet C. Oz

88 The Prayer of Jabez - Bruce Wilkinson

89 Holes - Louis Sachar

90 Digital Fortress - Dan Brown

91 The Shack - William P. Young

92 The Devil Wears Prada - Lauren Weisberger

93 Water for Elephants - Sara Gruen*

94 A Thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini

95 The Seat of the Soul - Gary Zukav

96 Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul - Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Jennifer ReadHawthorne, Marci Shimoff

97 The Partner - John Grisham

98 Lord of the Flies - William Golding

99 Eldest: Inheritance, Book II - Christopher Paolini

100 The Broker - John Grisham

101 The Street Lawyer - John Grisham

102 A Series of Unfortunate Events No. 1: The Bad Beginning - Lemony Snicket

103 The Poisonwood Bible - Barbara Kingsolver*

104 Into the Wild - Jon Krakauer

105 The King of Torts - John Grisham

106 The Tipping Point - Malcolm Gladwell

107 The Horse Whisperer - Nicholas Evans

108 Hannibal - Thomas Harris

109 The Audacity of Hope - Barack Obama

110 Running With Scissors - Augusten Burroughs

111 The Glass Castle: A Memoir - Jeannette Walls

112 My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult

113 The Last Juror - John Grisham

114 The Devil in the White City - Erik Larson

115 Left Behind - Tim LaHaye, Jerry B. Jenkins

116 America (The Book) - Jon Stewart and The Writers of The Daily Show

117 The Red Tent - Anita Diamant

118 John Adams - David McCullough

119 The Christmas Box - Richard Paul Evans

120 The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants - Ann Brashares

121 Sugar Busters! - H. Leighton Steward, Sam S. Andrews, Morrison C. Bethea, Luis A. Balart

122 Blink - Malcolm Gladwell

123 The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle

124 90 Minutes in Heaven: A True Story of Death and Life - Don Piper, Cecil Murphey

125 The Fellowship of the Ring - J.R.R. Tolkien

126 1776 - David McCullough

127 The Bridges of Madison County - Robert James Waller

128 Where the Heart Is - Billie Letts

129 The Ultimate Weight Solution - Phillip C. McGraw

130 Protein Power - Michael R. Eades, Mary Dan Eades

131 Chicken Soup for the Mother's Soul - Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Jennifer ReadHawthorne, Marci Shimoff

132 Into Thin Air - Jon Krakauer

133 Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides

134 Three Cups of Tea - Greg Mortenson, David Oliver Relin

135 You: The Owner's Manual - Michael F. Roizen, Mehmet C. Oz

136 1,000 Places to See Before You Die: A Traveler’s Life List - Patricia Schultz

137 Self Matters - Phillip C. McGraw

138 She's Come Undone - Wally Lamb

139 1984 - George Orwell

140 The Chronicles of Narnia - C.S. Lewis

141 The Millionaire Next Door - Thomas J. Stanley, William D. Danko

142 The Other Boleyn Girl - Philippa Gregory

143 The Zone - Barry Sears, Bill Lawren

144 The Pilot's Wife - Anita Shreve

145 The Lost World - Michael Crichton

146 Atonement - Ian McEwan

147 He's Just Not That Into You - Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo

148 Fahrenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury*

149 The World Is Flat - Thomas L. Friedman

150 Cross - James Patterson

Mm.. quite a lot of books that I read is not on the list, like:

1. Red Dragon – Thomas Harris

2. His Dark Materials Trilogy – Philip Pullman

3. Astermis Fowl – Eoin Colfer

4. Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident - Eoin Colfer

5. Two Tower – J.R.R Tolkien

6. Septimus Heap Series – Angie Sage

7. The Fire Within – Chris d’Lacey

8. Ice Fire – Chris d’Lacey

9. Fire Star – Chris d’Lacey

10. How to Train Your Dragon – Cressida Cowell

11. The Merchant Dream – Isabel Hoving

12. Pendragon : The Merchant of Death – D.J. Machale

13. Pendragon: Rivers of Zadaa – D.J. Machale

14. Deltora Quest Series – Emily Rodda

15. The Spiderwick Chronicles – Diterlizzi and Black

16. Soul Eater – Michele Paver

17. Inkworld Trilogy – Cornelia Funke

18. Totto Chan – Tetsuko Kuronayagi

19. Roald Dahl Books

20. Momo – Michael Ende

21. Sophie Kinsella Books

22. The Bartimaeus Trilogy – Jonathan Stroud

23. Beyond the Deepwoods – Paul Stewart

24. Dragon Keeper – Carole Wilkinson

25. Edgar & Ellen – Charles Odgen

26. The Return of the King - J.R.R Tolkien

Mm… It’s easy to find out what kind of book will interest me more eh?

And yes, I’m still hunting for more books to join my collection but…. I’m damn broke! kkkkkk

*wondering kapan gw punya waktu cukup untuk membaca buku-buku yang masih belum tersentuh tapi sudah bergabung di rak sejak lama. Dan kenapa meski masih banyak buku yang belum terbaca tapi gw udah gatel pengen beli buku baru lagi… - lirik wishlist *

Half

2008-11-13T19:35:00.001+09:00

For the last couple of days... I’ve been really into this song; without knowing the meaning of the song. Now that I’ve found what lies inside the beautiful voice, I’m more solemnly drowned into this.

Half
By Voice of Soul [V.O.S]

The person I miss even though it’s only been a day
The person I’ve met all year but make it always seem like we met just yesterday
The person who makes me feel like I broke up with them every time I see them off
The person I’m too reluctant and sad to let go

The person who still laughs at my corny jokes
The person I can always rely on
The person for whom the words I love you seem to be insufficient
so that I want to give the world to them

You are my other half that I love
You’re the only person I love
Because you make me feel like I possess everything I need in the world to survive
Because I have you, with that, I am deeply thankful

The person who knows me even without me saying anything
The person who cries for me if they fear things will be difficult for me
The me without you who can’t do anything
The person who turns me into a fool and is my everything

You are my other half that I love
You’re the only person I love
Because you make me feel like I possess everything I need in the world to survive
Because I have you, with that, I am deeply thankful

Like our ring that is snugly fit on your finger
Promise me we’ll always treasure and protect each other
I love you, you who are my everything
Thank you, you who are my love
Even if I was offered the entire world, I wouldn’t change my mind
If I only have you, then that is enough for me

I love you, you who are my everything
You are my one and only love

Because it seems like I have everything there is to have in the world
Because I have you, for that, I’m deeply thankful.
Because I have you, for that, I’m deeply thankful.

(English translations credit: girlwithsmalleyes @ z-degrees.net)

Original lyrics for you to sing along

브이.오.에스 - 반쪽

하루만 못봐도 보고싶은 사람
일년을 만나도 늘 어제 같은 사람
바래다 주는게 이별하는 것처럼
너무나 아쉬워 보내기 싫은 사람

썰렁한 농담도 웃어주는 사람
때론 내가 기대 울 수도 있는사람
사랑한단 말도 부족한것 같아서
내 모든걸 다 주고픈 그런 사람

사랑하는 나의 반쪽 그대여
하나뿐인 나의 사랑 그대여
세상을 다 가진것만 같아서
그대가 있어서 그걸로 너무 감사하죠.

아무말 안해도 날 잘아는 사람
내가 힘들까봐 눈물 감추는 사람
그대가 없으면 아무것도 못하는
날 바보로 만든사람 내 전부인 그사람

사랑하는 나의 반쪽 그대여
하나뿐인 나의 사랑 그대여
세상을 다 가진것만 같아서
그대가 있어서 그걸로 너무 감사하죠.

그대 손에 끼워진 우리의 반지처럼
늘 아껴주고 지켜주는 약속해

사랑해요 나의 전부 그대여
고마워요 나의 사랑 그대여
세상을 다줘도 바꿀수 없어
그대만 있다면 그걸로 충분하죠.

사랑하는 나의 반쪽 그대여
하나뿐인 나의 사랑 그대여

세상을 다 가진것만 같아서
그대가 있어서 그걸로 감사해요.
영원히 그댈 사랑해요.

night without sleep

2008-06-14T11:34:00.000+09:00

I felt so sick
My stomach feels awful, I feel like throwing up
I don’t want to eat anything
My head is spinning, I feel like gonna faint
It’s always like this every time we had a big fight
Why can’t she see this as a prove of how much she means to me?
Not that I mind, which I don’t
But please understand these silent words,
That I love you and need you so much

music is..

2008-04-18T17:04:00.001+09:00

Just wanna share few good song I like ^^

Sung Si Kyung - 01 사랑 하는 일

Ooooh He always sing such wonderful song *so many of his song that I like*

LUG - 02 삭제

Taken from 2^nd album of LUG

Navi - 03 I Love You (Rap Ver.) (Feat. Tablo)

Kim Dong Ryul - 05 아이처럼 (with Alex of Clazziquai)

I like this song so much. Alex also sang this song to Sin Ae in We Just Married.

Seeya - 01 바보

I always like Seeya. A grup of 3 beautiful girl with good vocal. This just another song from them that I like.

E.Sang - 01 마지막 사랑 (With As One)

Davichi - 01 슬픈 다짐 Remix

Davichi is a duet. Girls with good vocal. Their early famous song is 미워도 사랑하니까 (I hate you but I love you), but I like this song better.

As One - 01 Zza Zza La!!

Sung Ryung & Viola - 01 어떡하라고 (Duet)

행복

2008-04-12T11:45:00.003+09:00

Four new family member arrive today and being added to my big bookshelves family member! So excited with these stuffs. *thx roommies*

Will and have to find time to read them all as fast as I can XDD

2008-01-26T12:21:00.000+09:00

This is something I posted in TVXQ Indo - Jaejoong b'day Event: The Acronym Contest. I was kinda fancy with the result so I post it here too...

Your appearance has change my whole world
Oh wait… no… you’re not
U change the whole world of our life
No matter how old or where we’re came from,
Gladly surrender under your charm

World might slowing down,
Or spinning so fast
Our heart will stay truth ‘till the end
Never change, never
Gone…

Just hold tight to our love
And to our heart
Embracing the warm of our smile
Just like the sun shining so bright
Our togetherness…
Our love…
Nail forever in our soul, and
Give each one of us happiness

Joongie.. saranghaee...

choheun cingu, choheun saram.. nega anyiya?

2007-12-18T15:25:00.000+09:00

Day 7
It’s been a week already but I don’t think I’ve change.
During this week I took so many notes to myself and that’s makes me wonder if the notes will get much of my attention.
After these several days I learnt and trying to do so many things in my life. I want my own happiness and someone told me I have to work it for myself. Stupid huh, I have to had someone told me what to do for something like that. But somehow lately that’s like who I am. Anyway, she gave me this ‘task’ so I can move and start grabbing my own life.
Since that I start to take a note and trying to do something.
I start to look for a way to make peace with myself. And how easy it can be? ><
It’s not but I do realize that is the important thing if I want to get out from this ‘dark me’.
Then I learn to be able with that I have to learn to feel good about myself first, and learn to have positive mind, to have self-control, stay focus and keep walking.

I was thinking if I’m able to make peace with myself, I can be a better me, even become a good person.
But then in these several days, I got a test already -.-
And guess what, I fail so miserably. I lost control, I can’t keep my positive mind and I definitely can’t feel good about myself. I called it as failed at 3 steps at once. Such a failure!
But then because of this failure, I see something wrong in me again. That I was never be a good friend to everyone especially my best friend. Then now my new task is added, learn to be a real good friend.
But this time I got lost. How to be a real good friend?
That question sounds ridiculous right? I’ve been making friends since I was in kinder garden, why on earth I don’t know how to be a real good friend? Then how can I survive all this time?
Have I never a good one since back then?

day 5

2007-12-17T12:24:00.000+09:00

Day 5
I am trying to survive, to stand tall, to walk through, to live with smile… by my own and hoping one day things will be fine again.

Note:
Just bought my own copied of Oprah Winfrey 20th Anniversary Collection.
I re-watch the Oprah birthday bash. I see Disney world in the scene and think it will be fun to visit that place with someone…
Yeah with someone someday… and then went to Korea with her and visit Cuba someday in 2032. And perhaps travel around the world and have a good time together.

rewind

2007-12-15T17:21:00.000+09:00

Day 4

Trying so hard to keep positive mind
I guess I will keep on fail at this step
Rewinding it over and over again
Fail at test that given to me
And fail even further on the same test

I am now officially back to step 1
Finding a way to make peace with myself
After I loose on trying to feel good about myself

난 너의 새상에…
당신에게 아무 상관 없어요?
필요하다면 나는 여기 있어여

Fail to survive

2007-12-14T16:58:00.000+09:00

Day 3

Things are still the same
Wonder where I did wrong
Wonder if I did miss something
Wonder if I did something meany
Wonder what has happen

I began to think.. it's me

But can't figure out what...

Think I am a bad person...

don't puke on them

2007-12-14T10:10:00.000+09:00

remember my last post?
From what happen yesterday, I learnt something...
That when you are having a bad mood or in deep shit, you better not interact with others. Because if you do, you will tend to spit out or puke on them.
Now looking at myself, I see that what I always do before.
When I'm in bad mood, I'm tend to stay close to people and because they care, they stuck with me and get my spit and punk all over them. That.. makes them pulling themselves away from me. Now I learn If I don't want to stay alone.. don't puke on them.
Very nice eh...?
Thx a lot, pal...

Learning

2007-12-13T17:04:00.000+09:00

You said fine but don’t feel like talking to anyone at all?
That you call as fine?
PABOYAAAAAAAA~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*feeling useless but I’ll keep my positive mind and wait. Hwaitiing!!*

Harder

2007-12-11T18:50:00.000+09:00

Come to think again…
I think I just need to work harder
And fight harder
Right?

Have I fail?

2007-12-11T18:32:00.000+09:00

I feel like crying…
I had no idea why…
I just feel like crying…
I promise myself above anything else that I had to make peace with myself
But now I wonder, should I make peace with the whole world too?

I’ve found this key… that I believe will unlock to several doors that were [felt] locked
But suddenly this key aren’t look good enough or doesn’t fit to it
I feel fail…

oleh-oleh JakJazz 2007

2007-11-28T12:25:00.000+09:00

Satu oleh-oleh Jakjazz 2007 kemaren. Perf dari Kool and the gang. Karena saat itu gw terdesak ga bisa gerak dari bibir panggung sebelah kanan, jadi videonya lbh byk dr sudut kanan. Plus.. aslinya video ini ukurannya 42MB tp demi internet kantor gw yg buruk, gw kompres abis2an jadi 1 MB aja... well sekedar preview oleh-oleh JakJazz

speechless

2007-11-24T11:12:00.000+09:00

Wanna kill those who made this photo calender concept. Can you please put a full clothes on Kyu? I don't want him showing some skins like that... hueeeeeee ><

Did you see it? No?? Here.. I show you where my baby is..

See???

Credit: LJ + DVDHeaven

About me

2007-11-20T10:54:00.000+09:00

Lets101 - Free Online Dating

You Are A Good Friend

You're always willing to listen
Or lend a shoulder to cry on
You're there through thick and thin
Many people consider you their "best friend"!

What Kind of Friend Are You?

You Are 20% Happy

You know that there's more to life than how you've been living it.
Life can be rough at times, but most of your unhappiness is self-inflicted.

How Happy Are You?

You Are 47% Addicted to the Internet

You're somewhat addicted to the internet - but who isn't?
You can keep it under check, and you're by no means a hermit.

Are You Addicted to the Internet?

Your Life is Rated R

Your life is definitely adults only. While children accompanied by parents are welcome, they'll probably be scarred for life.

What is Your Life Rated?

You Are an Intense Kisser

When you kiss, it's deep and powerful
You don't take kissing lightly
Your kisses always have meaning
And they always make your head spin

What's Your Kissing Style?

Your Love Is Represented By a Red Rose

You love passionately and fully, without any reservations.
And while romantic love comes easily for you, you also love many people platonically.
You are a true romantic, and you always can see the best in people.

What Rose Represents Your Love?

You Go For Brains!

You want a guy with a big... brain.
And of course it would be nice if he were a total hottie, but you're not counting on it.
What's on the inside is what counts for you. (Besides, you can always change the outside later!)

Do You Go For A Guy's Brains or Body?

Your Seduction Style: The Charmer

You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement.

You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you.

By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power.

And then you've got them exactly where you want them!

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Agree anyone?
Hohohoho

giving up

2007-11-17T13:34:00.000+09:00

I gave up…
Since yesterday, I can’t eat at all. Every time I tried to eat something, my mouth feels awful and my stomach aching.
And my chest is so painful like someone punch on it so hard
My head is aching too
I think I should go home and rest
Just hoping I really can rest and not think too much
*and not smoking… unlike last night*

To the best roommate I ever had

2007-11-16T20:17:00.000+09:00

My back is hurt in pain… so hurts
It’s feels like ever since the room became darker than before, my body is all in pain.
This is mental sickness… mind sickness… you were right again roommies
Oh wait… you leave me alone… I forgot
Yeah… you though I hate you so much and want you to leave forever
You though you were the stupidest person on earth thinking your part in my life not as much as mine in yours
You though I can survive erasing your image and every single memory in it from my life
Oh wait… it’s not that… you though I want to forget about you

I have never told you about this, but since you once mention this, let me tell you…
On that cold fight we had before… the one that cause our separation for so long…
Not even once I forgot about you
I hate it so much knowing you survive so well and I’m drowned
I tried so hard finding new activities to forget and move on like you did
When a chance came to met you again, do you know how many times I have to ask myself what will I do when I see you? Should I talk as usual and pretend?
Or should I refuse to see you?
But I miss you and really want to see how you were doing so far
So I came, and I see you… regaining your life and have new friendship again
I guess I was lose and had to except the fact
So when we finally talk and start all over again, I tried so hard not to get involved with you too much
Trying so hard to forgot where I am before and just face the reality that I’m just someone close to you physically
But as times goes by, slowly you walk in my life and fill my soul again
As that process moves on, I was so afraid I will make mistake and lose you again
I tried so hard to keep this forever in anyway or anyhow
But then you keep asking me to say the truth to you
I feel afraid at first cause knowing if I did you won’t last
But you were so hard trying to convince me, that you will holding out so tight to my wings
But I guess now it’s all too late
After you face the real me… the real dark person of who I am, you took all my words for granted
My mistake…
For being an emotional person and never reconsider result of my action to you
For making you feel bad about yourself and all

Just so you know…
This is the first time after so many years I trust someone again
Someone that means so much to me even if the world hates me
Someone that I truly love as a dear good friend and part of my soul

Thanks for giving me so many happiness all this time
For showing me the truth and never tired giving me advice and scold me even it never succeed and makes you hurts
For loving me the way you did
For being there for me
For considering me as your roommate

I have never want to lose you, but I guess I have to learn to accept the result of my own madness
Even if it was a temporary emotion, but any action has a result whether I like it or not
And even if I beg you, I don’t think you still have the heart [or energy] to stand next to a time bomb like me

I love you~
I hope you will always live happy and healthy anywhere you are

2007-11-16T18:23:00.001+09:00

FUCK!!!
Where did I do wrong?
I didn't event send the message I wrote in my cellphone to you. And the reason why I didn't send it is because I can't loose you. I can't sleep all night thinking of the possibility of it then figure out that maybe it's just temporary madness and angry. So I decided to stay out for a while to calm myself before I did anything wrong that will make our relationship in fragile.
And there you are... sending this message to me...
What am I supposed to do now?
I am really all alone now, that you are leaving me...
*cryinginpainandloneliness*

Sorry for everything...
I really love you and you really are part of my soul. But I guess.. it's all because of my fault that I have an empty space inside me now.

My last candle in this dark world of mine, has gone out~~

Sexy...

2007-11-16T18:11:00.001+09:00

Change my blog skin.. finally. Why on earth I choose this one? Hell it got amazing pictures as banner. Ugh.. it's sooooo me. Milk said I need to put
FORBIDDEN FOR UNDER 17 Y.O READER
Hoho.. should I put that? Nyaaah... there I put it ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ...
Will try to find more pictures like that again.. perhaps next it's the pictures of 재시 make out?
호호호호....

a couple cigars and soju

2007-11-16T14:50:00.000+09:00

I wanna smoke..
It’s been over than 3 months since I stop smoking, but now I’m so eager to have a couple of cigars. [and if I’m lucky, a couple glass of soju perhaps]
I’m so emotionally confused and mad and drowned. Whatever it called.
Yesterday I had a heavy-deep-tiring conversation. Once its stop, I feel so mad to my opposite conversation partner. So furious even on my way back home, I wrote a little note for that person in my cell phone so I can send to that person today. In that message I said I was so mad at that person, I can’t stand being around. But guess what, I can’t send it. All night, the tough of loosing my only roomies drained out all my energy and tears. [plus I can’t eat anything now. My mouth and stomach refuse to any food I ate]
So today, I decided to put my messenger off. Not really off actually, but being invisible. I still need to talk to several people that I work with according to my job.
After last night, I realize that I am always all alone. I should have remember this because I’ve been aware of it for such a long time.
To make myself even sure, I was being left behind on lunch time by my coworker fellow. It’s my mistake, I mean part of it. But still, I realize, I am really all alone.
Well, I guess I have to return to the old me with lotsa mask on every minutes of my life.
*putting one mask on now*

Furious

2007-11-15T20:21:00.001+09:00

Arrrrrrggggh
I can’t take it. I’m so angry. So mad. So furious.
But I can’t hate you no matter what.
But I really feel so mad…
My heart aching…
Torn between love you for what you said and did but angry at you for same reason.

I feel like I could kill someone now
Can you just leave me alone?
Why can I have time of my own?
Why can’t people stop asking me to help them?
Why there’re still lots of people who like burden my heavy shoulder with so-called-good-behaviors?
I mean it…
암마... please let me go~~
And 압바... really... stop hurting 우리 암마 and leave her alone
I had a hard time enough and I don’t need more of your problems troubling my mind because I have to be a good for you

depressed

2007-11-15T10:47:00.000+09:00

Deadline approaching..
not my magazine deadline.. but my dream deadline..
Will I let this one just passing me by again?
This depression really stuck in my blood..
Nothing is important and nothing is matter anymore...
Just wanna live day by day and let day passing by,
And be glad that I still can survive till night gone and welcome by morning
Then I will have to survive till night comes again
That's my life is now.. over and over again...

My daemon

2007-11-02T18:17:00.000+09:00

Little note..

Daemon is something that every human has in Lyra's World [Golden Compass *movie and book title*]. Every human has daemon with opposite sex. Like I'm a girl, so my daemon *butterfly* is a male butterfly. It shows ours true personality.

Now to keep this daemon as mine, I need you to choose agree or not agree that this daemon represent my personality? visit http://shiva04.multiply.com/journal/item/408/My_daemon to choose ^^ Coz it seem I can't post my daemon at 2 journal at once lol

credit: http://www.goldencompassmovie.com/

Queen of drama volume 1

2007-10-26T16:46:00.000+09:00

I’m a complaining person
I complain so many stuffs but never learn how to escape from same situation
Same problems keep coming around
And I keep stuck in the same maze
I am not a good learner…
Mm…

I don’t want to explain much
And I don’t think I need to explain much
I’m thinking
But this thinking stuffs seems to go nowhere
Don’t lead me to somewhere new or upgrading something in my life
I was wondering which turn I took wrongly
But I guess I know where it was
And yeah that’s it… I just guessing
Not really sure whereabouts and what about

I’m tired already
Tell me about it… another excuse?
But for almost 30 years I’m walking in life
And never find any way out
Was I’m too blind to see?
Or is it just my ignorance?

Rohku

2007-10-23T10:42:00.000+09:00

*meminjam istilah Bartimeus*
Rohku cuma tinggal sesendok.
Mataku bengkak dan perih.
Kepalaku berdenyut-denyut nyeri.
Perutku melilit sakit.
Oh ya... aku hanya bisa mengeluh seperti biasanya.. jadi lupakan saja..
Tak ada gunanya kau membaca ini.

Mungkin ini hanya sisa-sisa efek dari menangis terlalu banyak.
Membuat mataku bengkak dan lelah
Membuat kepalaku sakit berdenyut-denyut
Membuat perutku sakit dan mual ingin memuntahkan seluruh isinya
Membuat hidungku sakit dan berair..
Oh ya.. aku hanya bisa mengeluh.. karena itulah aku…
Bukan sesiapapun, bukan sesuatu yang berharga…
Oh ya.. aku hanya membual sendirian..
Jadi lupakan saja kamu pernah membaca ini…

Crying

2007-10-22T17:42:00.000+09:00

“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words”. Now that I forget the words, who sings for me? No one.

On one day afternoon, I read it on someone messenger status. This someone is not just any particular someone but, she’s someone very precious for me. A very good friend.
And today, we’re in the middle of our cold fight *again*
It was very hurts to read that when you in this uncomfortable situation and when you though you were so useless to her and don’t know who you are in her life.
I feel like crying. Well, my mind did. My heart too. But I tried so hard not to let tears run down in my face. I’m at the office and in the middle of deadline.
But I can’t help it. It really hurts so badly.
I don’t know where to turn my heart to and ease this pain.
Those words like thousands knifes stab directly to your heart. It’s bleeding so badly.
She never considers me as anything. Now I see that.
She never considers me the way I feel about her.
Now I see it…
That I am useless, stupid, mean, egoist, worst, and still lining other words of complaining.
I maybe hurt and bleeding but I know I hurt her more and make her in pain worst than I feel.
What kind of friend I am?
To make myself more fool, instead of talking in nice, warmth, comforting way to her. I talk in madness and push her in the edge… again.
Aaah I’m such a worst person, right?
I really don’t know what to do now.
So afraid to hurt her more than she already was. But can’t stand the situation at all.
*crying in outloud*

Forever

2007-10-20T14:39:00.000+09:00

How can I am not loving you?
In every minutes by the caring look in your eyes

How can I stop loving you?
In every breath by the warmth in your arms

How can I stop in love with you?
In every voice you sang through my ear

I swear
to every last breath I will have in this life...
My love to you,
never ends...

~Jaeshi

In a mess...

2007-10-20T01:18:00.000+09:00

I’m in a mess
What is going on today?
Why am I acted that way?
Is that really me?
Is the reason to behave like that ever exists anyway?
I am just making things up, rite?
Have I?
I don’t know anything anymore now

I’m ending the tiring day with swollen red eyes

Am I really in pain?
Oh yes, I feel the pain. Excruciate in my heart.
But is it really because of reason I said?
I don’t know what just happened earlier
I’m such a mess

And now in the dark of the night
My eyes still swollen and blurry
And feeling like walking in a maze
Trap in my own heart, lost in my mind

I can’t even remember a glance of what was happening today
Just a blink of short memories,
Cut in very small pieces
A heartache; a reason [or an excuse];
A long-tiring conversation;
Someone heart having new burden from me
And someone being push to the edge again... by me

After that the rest are history
I don’t remember anything anymore
Just a huge regretful feeling linger around in my heart…
I really am…
Mianhaeyo~~

A promise I make to you

2007-10-19T16:40:00.000+09:00

Boy, you're every breath I take
Oh baby,
Your love rules every move I make
Oh baby,
And I know that you can't read my mind
And baby, maybe I

Don't say it as often as I should
But I really want it to be heard
When I say I love you that's for good
You have my word
That day after day after all
I will always be true
That's a promise I make to you

You, you take this heart of mine
And make it better I need you to
Come and walk with me through this life
Forever
And I know these words are long over due
And baby, maybe I

Don't say it as often as I should
But I really want it to be heard
When I say I love you that's for good
You have my word
That day after day after all I will always be true
That's a promise I make to you

I may hold you
I may need you
I may want to
And baby, maybe I

Don't say it as often as I should
But I really want it to be heard
When I say I love you that's for good
You have my word
That day after day after all
I will always be true
That's a promise I make to you
A promise I make to you
A promise I make to you

Title: A Promise I Make
Sang by Dakota Moon

My fault

2007-09-26T18:13:00.000+09:00

Everything starts to make sense…
Reason why you think people don’t care about you anymore.
Hell I know you mean me…
That’s why I state you clearly for just once that I damn care
But after that things got clean, really clean
Here we go again about thing writing stuff that you working on…
Thinking it as one of a way to get connected, beside about the boys
Saying that if you missed everything about the boys, you can’t connect with me
I push you to that edge, didn’t I?
Making you think our friendship is that fragile
I was counting my happiness on your writing only push you even further
There should be a way to fix things better
For one thing, maybe we should stop talk about them and finding more stuff to communicate between each other
Yeah... I will not push you to that edge again or further
My fault…

Early bird

2007-09-21T11:10:00.000+09:00

Early bird has flown away
But not my heavy heart
Its lingers around and coloring my mind with blue
I should have stop being such a snobbish
Or even being such a baby
Or worst I should stop keeping my pride and do the 1st move instead.

Why evertime we had this kind of fight, I never had the guts to talk?
I think too much, haven't I?

But I can't never stop thinking, why do wee keep on fighting over simple things?
Why we became fragile over each others words?
I hate the way we leave yesterday with such cold words,
but don't have the courage to say something for today.
As I afraid gonna hurt each other more that already are.
Why can I say the truth?

Sorry for I can't say I miss you the way you do
For I can't say I love you as much as you do.
I had no idea how to make you understand all that without words
Because I can't say it bluntly to your face
But you are... is my treasure.
And I really love you much..

~2 rommies in far away lands